Not sure how accurate this is but...
== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
85% Submissive
74% Bondage Receiver
63% Girl/Boy
58% Voyeur
55% Experimentalist
46% Brat
46% Non-monogamist
41% Exhibitionist
41% Slave
38% Masochist
33% Primal (Predator)
25% Switch
21% Bondage Giver
20% Primal (Prey)
16% Daddy/Mommy
15% All-Rounder
13% Pervert
11% Brat Tamer
9% Dominant
4% Master/Mistress
0% Degradation Giver
0% Degradation Receiver
0% Sadist
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=212677
3/27/15
A Memory
I do not know what triggered the memory, but it resurfaced none-the-less thanks to FL. I have avoided writing any posts that are this personal, but this memory has been eating at me for almost a week. The urge to write it down has been eating at me as well. So here it is. The intent is not to shame or blame anyone. We all know that there are two sides to every story, as well as understanding the dynamic between a Dom and sub can range from intense to gentile. This is just a moment, a vignette if you will, in a past power exchange relationship.
We all know what a hard limit list is. We also know that if you are in a relationship with a dominant there is a chance that the list will be challenged. Any Dominant worth his/her snuff knows when to push that boundary and when to leave well enough alone. This is one of those moments at which my x lost a little of his status and began the downward descent From Dom to domineering ass...by not honoring my hard limit list.
Although face slapping is desired by many, it is not something I tolerate. I am into pain, but not into pain mixed with sex. I tolerated the biting and flogging during sex with hollow only because I wanted to please him. It is not something I will ever do again. Play is play, sex is sex and never the two shall meet as far as I am concerned.
This particular night hollow decided that he wanted to use what was at the time "his pussy" yeah me.... I was good to go. Then for some reason, while in coitus, his hand makes intentional contact with my face making a loud pop sound in my ears. Instant heat erupted across my left cheek. Face slapping is on my "oh fuck no your don't" list. My face is beyond off limits because of what I do for a living. Not because I have to be beautiful for my coworkers or the camera, but because, like many, the truth of how I got the black eye will get me fired. Accidents happen, black eyes happen, busted lips happen....when face slapping happens. FAR FROM OKAY!
He knew this but he did it any way.
I began to cry instantly, "his pussy" dried up instantly. Through my tears I hear him say "ASK me to hit you again?"
What the fuck!
I couldn't do it. I began to cry harder. "Ask me to do it again" he demanded, irritation in his voice.
"I can't" I choked out. I just couldn't do it.
"Yes you can, I have already done it, you can take it again." this time expectation and excitement had the words dripping like honey from his lips.
I turned away from him and covered my face, gut-wrenching tears sliding across my cheeks.
He rolled off the bed.
A few nights later he punished me with anal sex.
The whole time asking me things like: " Who do you belong to? Who owns you? Who makes the decisions?"
Like a dutiful submissive I answered each question with "You sir" while silent tears slid down my cheeks and the memory of my brother molesting me paraded through my head.
I answered him with what he wanted to hear out of quilt. I answered him only to please him. A small part of me appeased him just so he would be satisfied and stop. That moment nearly obliterated any trust I had in the man that was once my dom. It is a mistake I will never make again.
I will always wonder if this moment was the beginning of the end for us.
We both made mistakes. He made the mistake when he pushed to far. I made a mistake in trusting him to begin with.
We all know what a hard limit list is. We also know that if you are in a relationship with a dominant there is a chance that the list will be challenged. Any Dominant worth his/her snuff knows when to push that boundary and when to leave well enough alone. This is one of those moments at which my x lost a little of his status and began the downward descent From Dom to domineering ass...by not honoring my hard limit list.
Although face slapping is desired by many, it is not something I tolerate. I am into pain, but not into pain mixed with sex. I tolerated the biting and flogging during sex with hollow only because I wanted to please him. It is not something I will ever do again. Play is play, sex is sex and never the two shall meet as far as I am concerned.
This particular night hollow decided that he wanted to use what was at the time "his pussy" yeah me.... I was good to go. Then for some reason, while in coitus, his hand makes intentional contact with my face making a loud pop sound in my ears. Instant heat erupted across my left cheek. Face slapping is on my "oh fuck no your don't" list. My face is beyond off limits because of what I do for a living. Not because I have to be beautiful for my coworkers or the camera, but because, like many, the truth of how I got the black eye will get me fired. Accidents happen, black eyes happen, busted lips happen....when face slapping happens. FAR FROM OKAY!
He knew this but he did it any way.
I began to cry instantly, "his pussy" dried up instantly. Through my tears I hear him say "ASK me to hit you again?"
What the fuck!
I couldn't do it. I began to cry harder. "Ask me to do it again" he demanded, irritation in his voice.
"I can't" I choked out. I just couldn't do it.
"Yes you can, I have already done it, you can take it again." this time expectation and excitement had the words dripping like honey from his lips.
I turned away from him and covered my face, gut-wrenching tears sliding across my cheeks.
He rolled off the bed.
A few nights later he punished me with anal sex.
The whole time asking me things like: " Who do you belong to? Who owns you? Who makes the decisions?"
Like a dutiful submissive I answered each question with "You sir" while silent tears slid down my cheeks and the memory of my brother molesting me paraded through my head.
I answered him with what he wanted to hear out of quilt. I answered him only to please him. A small part of me appeased him just so he would be satisfied and stop. That moment nearly obliterated any trust I had in the man that was once my dom. It is a mistake I will never make again.
I will always wonder if this moment was the beginning of the end for us.
We both made mistakes. He made the mistake when he pushed to far. I made a mistake in trusting him to begin with.
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